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OutFunny!

where the funniest comment wins!

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Ron Q. Dandelion
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Funniest Lines


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I just hope their harebrained scheme to get Q-Tip's mom to marry Ford's dad works out.
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The mom was phone.
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Sanders unsure when the world turned into 'such a fag'.
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I've tried Shart-Milk. Is that the same thing?
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In Soviet Russia, backwards R is triple letter score!
8
Farting in an elevator and then pushing buttons for all floors. Straight to hell for that.
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As someone in a long-term committed relationship with a sunbeam I don't find this amusing at all.
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I'll bet even money that tomorrow he's wearing some kind of sombrero.
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Hitchiker turns the volume down during the sax solo in Pink Floyd's "Money"
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A soul-searing ironic glare from an underweight hipster
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It’s important that your child’s name reflects their personality. My son, Saddam Adolf Bin-Stalin, doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer!
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2 things not generally known about me #1 my dick is the same size as 2 Argos pens end-to-end and #2 im now banned from all Argos stores
6
The old eating Bugles while watching esoteric pornography.
6
It got me interested in what other liquids I might be able to harvest from sea creatures. Next up, the sperm whale!
6
Didn't know what "rimjob" meant until now - great little timbit of information.

The Declined Christmas Wishes of Rich Silby

The Declined Christmas Wishes of Rich Silby

19-year-old Rich Silby is so sick of his parents ignoring his Christmas wish requests, that he is simply asking everyone for an Amazon gift card this year after receiving nothing but sweatshirts and movie coupons last year.  Here are a few of his declined Christmas gift requests:

Gift:  Portable vaporizer.

Reason Wanted:  Smoke weed secretly everywhere he goes.

Reason Declined:  Parents disapprove of weed smoking, disapprove even more of secret public weed smoking.

 

Gift:  An Introduction to Aleister Crowley's Practise of Sexual Magic

Reason Wanted:  Wanted to use Sexual Magic to force girls into wanting him.

Reason Declined: "Creepy as shit, son, geez." 

 

Gift: 100% wool fedora, Jon Hamm-quality, $380.

Reason Wanted:  Hamm-like suave and sophistication.

Reason Declined: "We don't want you going down that road."

 

Gift:  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Plush Toy.

Reason Wanted:  Unable to practice sexual magic, Silby is forced to sexualize this children's cartoon.

Reason Declined: "Worse than the fedora.  We're thinking it may be time you moved out son." 

 

Gift:  The Big Book of Beheadings.

Reason Wanted:  Really into beheadings.

Reason Declined: "Concerned about your interest in beheadings son."  

What have you always wanted for Christmas, but never got?

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JOKE - SCORE: 1

by BookDirt (43)
The Jerry Sandusky Pop-Up Book


JOKE - SCORE: 0

by Potsy (8)
Mattel's "Barbie & Heman Erotic Cottage Getaway" playset


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