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Deepak Chopra: Science Is Not the Only Force Driving the Mars Rover

Deepak Chopra: Science Is Not the Only Force Driving the Mars Rover

Last week, philosophical pontificator and new age guru Deepak Chopra attempted to bridge the gap between spirituality and science by holding a press conference at an Apple Valley, Minnesota strip-mall parking lot where he waxed poetic on the topic of the Mars rover, Curiosity.  Chopra's vague and obscurant style was not to be missed, as he awkwardly skirted around hard science like a belly dancer at a cancer benefit.

Since the Mars rover Curiosity landed on the craggy surface of the red planet last August, the world has been eager to absorb every minute detail of its findings-from panoramic views of ambiguous terrain to the evidence of water on a once-thought barren wasteland-no stone has been too small to be left unturned.  The "implications of the findings of Curiosity are far reaching," began Chopra, opening a hopeful dialog between two worlds in front of a dough eyed public. 

Palpable excitement was built by the smell of Subway wafting across the hot pavement and Shoe Circus employees building obelisks out of discounted overstocked women's ASICS boxes.   Mr. Chopra sat cross legged on a yoga mat, almost in trance with eyes gazing upward, a solemn expression on his face.  Incense burned next to playful shrine depicting Buddha riding a space shuttle as Enya played on a wireless iPod shuffle dock.

"From the mind of God, we learn that there is beauty everywhere in the universe," he begat unto a silenced crowd.  "For even here, in this urban sprawl, we see ourselves and our place amongst the stars.  The Curiosity rover is a metaphor for our third eye, as our bodies lift from consciousness to meet the necessity of that which is outside ourselves.  Mars calls to us, as a mother calls to her children."

Chopra talked for over eighty minutes, uninterrupted, about poignant scientific topics ranging the "chakra of the universe," to the "light of the heavens in relation to quantum serenity," and even on the idea that the planets themselves are "like marbles on a billiards table, ready for the primal mind to build a grand, celestial city with."  Attendance dropped by fifty percent after the first twenty minutes, and the hundreds of science enthusiasts in the crowd opted to check text messages and play on their cell-phones, left to get sandwiches, or openly began discussing weekend plans over Chopra, who seemed to be wrapt in a self-replicating cyclone of stream-of-consciousness.

During a question and answer period, journalists pressed for more concrete answers.  Many wanted to know if Mr. Chopra was in favor of space exploration on other planets, what the Hindu god Vishnu had to do with the existence of ice formed in soil deposits, or if budget cuts on federal spending could impede further research on Mars.  Mr. Chopra dodged almost every follow up question with a nod and a smile, repeating the mantra, "The universe is calling us through science.  We must answer her call so that we may speak to God.  One does not easily float in a sea where there is no salt." 

A senior writer for the Washington Times simply wanted to know from Mr. Chopra, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Perhaps the mysteries unfolding from the Curiosity will reveal even more exciting possibilities about life on other planets in the coming years and the usefulness of space travel to an overpopulated planet.  Perhaps, in his own way, Deepak Chopra talked about these things somehow, but all we can be sure of is that the endless possibilities provided by space exploration mean something different to everyone. 

Deepak Chopra concluded his conference by asserting at least one solid scientific claim, "Please buy my new book.  I am living in that van." 

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JOKE - SCORE: 6

by Phil Mckrackin (21)
2 things not generally known about me #1 my dick is the same size as 2 Argos pens end-to-end and #2 im now banned from all Argos stores


JOKE - SCORE: 1

by El Foosballo (73)
I'd really like to Deepak his Chopra if you know what I'm saying.


JOKE - SCORE: 2

by Phil Mckrackin (21)
is a casterated pig disgruntled?


JOKE - SCORE: 1

by Phil Mckrackin (21)
apparently agatha christie was known to be a massive racist, this really effected her son, Linford, at every parents evening


JOKE - SCORE: 2

by Phil Mckrackin (21)
for christmas im buying my girl some furry slippers and a 10" vibrator.... if she doest like the slippers she can go fcuk herself!!!


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