Cat scientists yesterday announced the construction of a
billion-dollar accelerator to assist efforts in locating the
elusive Red Dot Particle, before licking themselves vigorously for
"We're still not sure what the Red Dot Particle actually is",
explained Purrfressor Whiskers, project lead and 'adored
snuffikins' of a Mr Jenkins. "The motion of the Red Dot seems to be
random, unexplained by any of Newton's classical laws. We believe
the Red Dot is a macro quantum phenomenon, as it only occurs when
both a cat and a human are there to observe it. Unfortunately
humans seem incapable of appreciating the colossal significance of
this discovery, often devolving into helpless laughter instead of
helping us catch it as their simple minds overload in the face of
the mysteries of existence. But we will solve this mystery for
"We will catch that red dot."
Competing feline theories suggest that the Red Dot particle will
complete the Standard Model, is an exceptionally small and
high-energy mouse, or has gone behind the fridge I know it's back
there scratch scratch scratch come on SCRATCH SCRATCHSCRATCH.
After locating the particle, cat scientists will perform a
rigorous program of tests, batting it from side to side, followed
by a moment of letting it think it has escaped before capturing it
again. They hope this will revolutionize their understanding of
life by not dying as fast as every other small moving things they
do this to.
This work will builds on the previous successes of superstring
theory, which proved that string existed because it was super fun
to play with.