All the characteristics that made Brett Sanders popular in high
school--extreme confidence, a glib sense of humour, a shallow
appreciation of populist media content--have proven to be
detriments in Sanders' adult life.
Just recently after joining a gym near his workplace at a
corporate discount, he had viciously towel-whipped a co-worker for
14 minutes, and it wasn't until the 14th minute that he
noticed none of his other co-workers were guffawing as expected,
but instead looking concerned, and one was even so concerned as to
be calling the police.
Similarly, in high school a hilarious bra-snap was just another
signifier that the Sand-Man is interested in you Babe. But
just one bra snapping at the expense of his human resource manager
Kristen Chouinard has led to untold amounts of hard times for
When he tried to perform a keg stand at a recent work function,
the intern tasked with holding him up was not up to the task,
failed to support Sanders' 245 pounds, and Sanders separated his
shoulder. When he finally returned to work and threatened,
"That guy is dead meat," he was once more reprimanded by
Fortunately for Sanders, as an employee for the Federal
Government it's almost impossible that he can be fired.
Unfortunately for Sanders, until someone invents a time machine it
will be impossible for him to find happiness in the world